An Open Letter to My Landlord
Dear Shawn,
This is a decent house you're renting me here. Good bit of space, huge fenced yard, quiet street, and you're not charging me more than you should for it. Good for you.
But why do you insist on leaving things that are quite clearly your responsibility as the property owner for me to take care of?
When I moved in here last summer you gave me a credit on my first month's rent because I painted the place. I only agreed to to that for two reasons. First and foremost, when it got to be one day before I was set to move in and your guy still hadn't swung a paint brush, I was nervous. Second, I did kind of like the idea that I'd be able to put some colors on the walls besides the "hospital white" that you had all over this joint before. And how many months did it take you to send someone out to fix the leaking faucet in the bathtub? Not to mention that they still haven't put that floor trim down like they were supposed to. I only asked for that to be replaced four months ago. Maybe if I'm lucky, it'll all get done when I'm ready to move out.
The heating system was acting stupid a few months back when we started to feel a nip in the air. Your solution? Call a company to come out and fix it? Oh, heavens no, why should you do that? Leave it up to me to get it done? Yeah, that's more your speed. "Just take care of it and take the $ off the rent." Yeah, no shit. You think I'm paying a dime out of my own pocket for something you should have done in the first place? You're drunk, aren't you?
And now my washing machine has gone down faster than an Atlantic City whore. I e-mailed you about this last week when it happened and your reply was that you'd have a new one here this past weekend. Yeah, it never showed up and I never heard from you. So I sent you another e-mail yesterday to which you replied today. The way it read, you were in touch with a guy selling a new one, all I needed to do was give the guy a call and he'd bring it over, set it up, and haul away the broken one. Of course, I would have to pay for it and "just take the $ off your March rent" (thanks again, buddy), but I sort of figured that was coming. So I call the guy tonight. He was cool, but it was immediately obvious that you had never even spoken to him. Apparently you saw an ad the guy had placed for his appliances and lobbed the ball back into my court. Looking up ads is easy, you didn't do shit!
I swear the only time my you actually act like a landlord is when you cash my rent checks every month. I mean, you're an okay guy, decent to talk to and you let me do pretty much whatever I want to do with the house, but c'mon, man! I think that in addition to taking the washing machine money off my next month's rent, I should add a little extra charge, you know, for the effort. You probably won't like that too much, but that's just how I roll.
Thanks again for nothing you lazy dick-knot,
P.
This is a decent house you're renting me here. Good bit of space, huge fenced yard, quiet street, and you're not charging me more than you should for it. Good for you.
But why do you insist on leaving things that are quite clearly your responsibility as the property owner for me to take care of?
When I moved in here last summer you gave me a credit on my first month's rent because I painted the place. I only agreed to to that for two reasons. First and foremost, when it got to be one day before I was set to move in and your guy still hadn't swung a paint brush, I was nervous. Second, I did kind of like the idea that I'd be able to put some colors on the walls besides the "hospital white" that you had all over this joint before. And how many months did it take you to send someone out to fix the leaking faucet in the bathtub? Not to mention that they still haven't put that floor trim down like they were supposed to. I only asked for that to be replaced four months ago. Maybe if I'm lucky, it'll all get done when I'm ready to move out.
The heating system was acting stupid a few months back when we started to feel a nip in the air. Your solution? Call a company to come out and fix it? Oh, heavens no, why should you do that? Leave it up to me to get it done? Yeah, that's more your speed. "Just take care of it and take the $ off the rent." Yeah, no shit. You think I'm paying a dime out of my own pocket for something you should have done in the first place? You're drunk, aren't you?
And now my washing machine has gone down faster than an Atlantic City whore. I e-mailed you about this last week when it happened and your reply was that you'd have a new one here this past weekend. Yeah, it never showed up and I never heard from you. So I sent you another e-mail yesterday to which you replied today. The way it read, you were in touch with a guy selling a new one, all I needed to do was give the guy a call and he'd bring it over, set it up, and haul away the broken one. Of course, I would have to pay for it and "just take the $ off your March rent" (thanks again, buddy), but I sort of figured that was coming. So I call the guy tonight. He was cool, but it was immediately obvious that you had never even spoken to him. Apparently you saw an ad the guy had placed for his appliances and lobbed the ball back into my court. Looking up ads is easy, you didn't do shit!
I swear the only time my you actually act like a landlord is when you cash my rent checks every month. I mean, you're an okay guy, decent to talk to and you let me do pretty much whatever I want to do with the house, but c'mon, man! I think that in addition to taking the washing machine money off my next month's rent, I should add a little extra charge, you know, for the effort. You probably won't like that too much, but that's just how I roll.
Thanks again for nothing you lazy dick-knot,
P.
posted by P. at 6:07 PM
1 Comments:
Sounds like you are a good renter. My Dad had some prize ones. Like the one that stole a power meter and jerry rigged it to his power so he didn't have to pay electricity. Only the house was gas. When he skipped there was a hot water heater (electric) and a dryer (electric) sitting in the kitchen. Or the "Monkey Shit House" I'll let you figure that out. It still comes back to me when I use bleach. Or the guy who left 20 bags of quick set concrete outside, had to rent a jack hammer to break it up enough to wheelbarrow it out. All part of the "familial duty" according to my Dad.
However, the thought of new appliances is very exciting. At Best Buy I skip the TV's and head for Dishwashers! There is no such thing as planned obsolsence (sp) here!
Good Luck :)
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